But a prime example of this “look over there” Breakfast tactic occurred in 1999 with the release of CoZmic Crunch. Like, a lot of their limited-edition offerings are just “our regular cereal, with this ZANY GIMMICK that will make sure the children aren’t paying attention to anything else.” Cap’n Crunch’s CoZmic CrunchĬap’n Crunch wants to distract children with weird shit. Not surprisingly, the “our normal cereal tastes like tiny knives out to get you, would you like a softer version of that” promotional strategy didn’t exactly take off, and Soft Crunch has thankfully been long since taken off market. “Soft” is not a word most people want to hear in a description of their cereal, nestled right between “rotten” and “chemically turns into poison when milk is added” on the list of worst possible Breakfast cereal adjectives. That isn’t a case of us being sarcastic, we mean that sincerely-Cap’n Crunch is delicious, but it’ll chew out the top of your munching cave worse than a Drill Sargent spotting an unmade bed.Ĭap’n Crunch took one look at this problem, and one look only because a second look would have given them the realization that no one likes soggy cereal, and decided to make a softer version of Cap’n Crunch. The worst part of eating Cap’n Crunch is that it mashes the shit out of the roof of your mouth. And some are just horrible, terrible, borderline terrifying ideas. Some, like Oops! All Berries, can inspire violent debate between pro-berry and anti-berry camps. Some of these, like the 1967 release of Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries or the 1969 release of Peanut Butter Crunch, were great ideas, arguably elevating Cap’n Crunch to new heights. There are literally 25 types of Cap’n Crunch that have at some point found their way to your grocery aisle, and that doesn’t even include the, “Surprisingly good!” Cap’n Crunch Bars.Ĭap’n Crunch, surprisingly, is not a cereal company that feels content to rest on its laurels. Cap’N Crunch’s Grossest Flavors of All Time That was a very elegant metaphor about how you shouldn’t sell Cap’n Crunch that comes with fucking pop rocks in it. Yes, much like Marshmallow Peeps, Oreos, or, God help us, M&Ms, Cap’n Crunch has tried many times to fly to the sun, only to see their waxen wings melt away. That is, when they’re not trying to showboat. Now, Cap’n Crunch is everywhere, and you’ll hear no one complain about that fact because Cap’n Crunch is goddamn magical. But if we look at the product through a “holy shit, this is really good, let’s put some crunch berries in it” lens, it was a roaring success.

Now, as far as “tasting like sugar butter over rice” goes, Captain Cap’n Crunch was an abject failure.

Little who tried to make a cereal that tasted like her grandmother’s recipe of brown sugar and butter melted over rice. The cereal itself was developed by Pamela Low, a flavorist (shut up, it’s a thing) (no it actually is) at Arthur D. When Captain Cap’n Crunch first hit the shelves in 1963, we didn’t worry ourselves with the fact that he’s not an actual Captain, and instead went wild over the corn-based cereal that was the first to be coated in a thin layer of oil to give it an additional boost of flavor. ~Um, That’s Not The Theme Song To Captain Crunch…

Captain crunch berry cereal